2018 – January

This month:

  • I keep seeing a reminder that cultivation of self is of utmost importance. I know I had taken a look at Plum Village as a potential candidate of stay, but  I wonder if their practice deviates from the word of venerable B. a bit too much.
  • I am persistent. I practice yoga every day by myself. No more dependencies needed.
  • Sloth and torpor. Full body relaxation during meditation sends me to sleep.
  • I am greed. So far I have not felt abundant in food, that’s why greed shows its face at Dana (lay people brining food to monks). I need to prepare, serve and share what I have. Move from the feeling of abundance. I can see myself generous, it’s that close.
  • No self. I clean the kitchen after every meal very thoroughly, it became a daily practice. I also started washing other people’s dishes. It’s not kindness, their dishes are my dishes.
  • I experienced “Breath work” workshop, we were just lying down breathing deeply in and out. It creates sensations in the body due to lack of oxygen to extremities. I also noticed that the brain was also partially suffocating – this produced hallucinations of sorts. The music allowed to connect to different frequencies as well. I felt bliss and love for everyone at the end of it. It’s not something I will repeat as it’s akin to a drug. The euphoric state cannot be sustained using this method, it’s a shortcut of sorts, but I could finally see the “bliss” people describe during their meditation. However, this kind of bliss is not produced artificially, it can be sustained throughout.
  • Zen speaks to me, Japan had been beckoning me for a while now, the people, the culture, mindfulness, tea, calligraphy, the gardens, the architecture, the Dao. It is all too familiar and it is very easy for me to get back to it. Even my Plum village choice is aligning to that path. I realized that I am holding on to my initial training way too much because of it too. Which is hurting my current training. I will be diligent to move off of this path. It’s not wrong, but I possibly need to address my learning from a different direction this time around.
  • I am used to be a “Do-er”, it does not work in meditation unfortunately. The idea is the opposite, to let go of striving and trying so hard. Only then progress can be made. I believe the best way to do that is to practice the eight fold path every day to weaken the hinderances that arise during meditation.