Konstantin the heartful

It’s one of those months where I think I learned all I need to learn and all of a sudden I unleash something amazing brewing in my heart. In order to not forget it, I should write it down here. This may sound a little bit like crazy talk, but it’s OK.

I let my heart go today. I pulled it out, even if I had made a physical movement that takes the heart and pulls it out of my mouth. This motion helped me “take it out” for real. I could play act as Dario (my friend) and play his emotional part. I could feel like him, I could go deep into my heart to feel his. What I am trying to say is that I allowed myself to look foolish by exposing myself, by showing my sensitive side. I was not deterred by smiles and giggles, no one could hurt me at that time. I was speaking through his heart, not mine. By feeling his heart, I could talk the best Dhamma I could ever speak. This is very fascinating, the emotional strength is within all of us. We can connect on any level, on any subject. We just need to realize one universal truth. No one can hurt you emotionally. Only you can hurt you.

Through this experience I realized that most of my relationships since childhood (where I got the trauma) were meaningless. I had done the physical part of the relationship, but not the emotional part. This is almost nothing new, I came to this at some point, but I lost it as well. I am afraid to tell people what lives in my heart. This does not put us together, only separates us further. We can talk to anyone about anything for hours on end if we only felt them. If we only could place ourselves in their shoes. And it’s very easy, just need to exercise in a safe environment where people will not hurt you. Just need to speak deeply until speaking deeply no longer produces fear. Practice even after being rejected, strengthen yourself through practice. Only when you “feel” the person who spits and laughs in your face when you stand “naked” in front of him. Feel sad that he did not have the people in his life who had shown him a way to deal with his emotional traumas. When the person cannot hurt you, even physically, only then you will realize that your heart is invincible. No one can hurt it.